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The Law of Belonging

 Remember the 3 laws of ours family system that I had share in the previous blog? Yes, there are The Law of Belonging, The Law Of Hierarchy and The Law Of Balance. Let talk about The Law of Belonging this time.

 The Law of Belonging means everyone who is part of a family has an equal right to be part of that family. If someone is forgotten, rejected, or ignored which is excluded, then the flow of love is blocked between the generations and a descendant will identify unconsciously with the excluded ancestor and bear that burden.

 It’s very important to conceived everyone in the family. When they arrived or how the arrived and what they did. They have an equal right to claim their place. Most commons excluded members are ‘giving away child’, ‘rejected ex-partner’, ‘abortion child or miscarriages’, ‘suicidal’, ‘early age of death’, a deep sadness event like ‘rape’ or ‘killed’ and etc..

 Remember, no matter they are handicapped, mental disorder, rich or poor, killer or drug addicted, good or bad, they changes nothing with regard to this basic right to belong. If not, these issues may exhibit as chronic or sudden illness, depression, feeling isolated, mental illness, persistent relationship problems, or being accident prone and the descendant may be unconsciously acting out both a perpetrator and the victim, an event that occurred two, three, four or more generations previously.

Case study;

 A men has been difficult to sustain the relationship and the relationship keep having problems. On the session, he share his father died when he was eight years old, from that time onward he got to take on his father responsibilities. He is no longer a child but a friend and confidant to his mother or even a husband of his mother that in a way of the household.

 It’s is something hard and difficult for spouse to accept her fate when her husband die when her son is still young and it’s not only for the wife but the child as well. The child often feel abandoned and angry towards parent for leaving him this way. This turn the child ‘excluding his parent, refusing to accept not only the fate of his father's death but also his own fate as a child who has lost a father’.

 His additional feelings of longing to be with his deceased parent, when a child become to an adult and has children of his own, they can drawn towards the dead of the family member and feeling compelled to represent the father who has excluded through the denial and non-acceptance of his fate. Often, the surviving spouse resentment at the death, excluding him from her heart and one of the children will replace him.

 When a child replace the missing parent, he is no longer access to the energies of the departed parent and this sense of belonging may be absent with this he also find it difficult to move out of the aspect of influence of his mother. In this case, a boy who has lost his farther at the age of eight, it’s difficult for him to belong to the world of men, as he remained in the aspect of influence of his mother for so long. In relationship, he is not truly free to his love his spouse as he is already involved in a spousal relationship with his mother unconsciously (Payne 2005).

For any inquiry about Family Constellation, please click here.



Robert Evans Wilson Jr. - Longing for Belonging

August Thalhamer - SHAMANISM AND FAMILY CONSTELLATION Differences and correspondences, illustrated by examples, from the point of view of a practitioner of both methods.

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