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Life Process Stage two (Childhood)

Updated: Mar 24, 2022



We are no longer a part of our mother at this level, but we are still linked. We pass from unity to duality. "I'm no longer in my mother's body and have become an independent being. I don't need her to feed me on autopilot any longer. At this point, I start eating, drinking, and breathing for myself. Previously, I could only imagine and perceive her through my sense impressions, but now I can grab, touch, smell, and see my mother through a little blur. I'm no longer attached to my mother and am completely self-sufficient."



Yes, these are true for the physical aspect. We are still a long way from being self-sufficient in the mental and emotional realms, and we rely on her advice. During this stage, children must learn to express themselves, what they require, how they feel, whether they are hungry or not, and so on. Whereas previously, there were no needs for fulfilment, no hunger for satiety, but only being. The children must now learn to persuade their needs and understand that they may not always be satisfied immediately.



This world is foreign to us from the moment we arrive. It is an infinitely large space with no borders in comparison to where we previously lived. Except for our mother, who we perceive as intimately connected to us, all of this is completely new and unknown to us. That is why it is critical to develop a healthy attachment. People nowadays try to leave their children in the care of a maid; the amount of love they provide is comparable to that of adoptive parents. Although the parents provide a stable love, the wound of separation remains deep within the child and will be triggered by an emotional crisis. Unconsciously, the children develop attitudes and behaviours that prevent this situation from recurring, as well as a fear of detachment. Some people may avoid intimate relationships, or they may marry but not commit to their situation later in life.



For children, birth represents a sudden separation from everything that has come before. Apart from death, no other separation in life is as close as this. It's new and different from one moment to the next. The mother acts as a link between the old and new worlds. A child's world is less foreign and cold when he or she has a healthy attachment to his or her mother. Because the mother was the child's entire world before birth, the world after birth becomes more familiar if the child can grow into it with the mother and gradually move away from it step by step. The maternal bond is extremely important in establishing trust in life. When children know their parents love them and are always there for them, they feel safer and more secure.



This consciousness level is classified as "Group Consciousness." The children have the feeling of being a part of and belonging to a group (usually family and school). "WE" comes first, then "I." The children are lost in the group because they feel safer when they are attached to the group. That is why children's consciousness always takes precedence over individuals, sacrificing themselves for family, needing a sense of belonging, or sometimes even causing trouble to get the parent's attention. However, if the child feels loved, safe, and a part of the family, he or she does not experience objective dependency.



Let's talk about age stages. The first year of life is defined by basic physical, emotional, and social needs, as well as a sense of trust. The ages of one to three are ideal for fostering independence. Started to struggle between a sense of self and a sense of self-doubt. Explore and experiment in order to make mistakes and learn. A basic task for children aged three to six is to develop a sense of competence and initiative. They begin to learn how to make decisions. From the ages of 6 to 12, it is appropriate to broaden one's understanding of the word, as well as to continue to develop appropriate gender-role identity and basic school learning. From these stages, parents can follow the flow to gradually allow their child to be independent.



What can a child do when his or her parents are no longer together (divorce)? There aren't many at first. "Are they arguing because of me?" "Am I not good enough?" "Am I a burden for them?" "Should I ease their burden by reducing my needs?" "Should I care for mother or father?" "Does one of them need more love and care?" This is not something that a child consciously considers, but rather something that their unconscious mind or soul level considers. "Mom and dad, I will do anything to make you happy," is one of the healing sentences in therapy. They may even include the phrase "Even if it means losing my life." This is a powerful statement because it expresses the child's deepest desire. That is the acknowledgment of our inner child.


Case Study


A woman came to the therapist with a cramped tightness in her tummy, and her therapist traced it back to her childhood, and it does have a hidden meaning behind the issue with her father. When she says to her father, "I will do everything to make you happy, even if it costs my life," she bursts out crying loudly and violently on the way home. She then relieved the cramped tightness in her tummy.


Our unconscious mind will do anything to fulfil our desire, including illness. It is referred to as secondary gain by psychologists. On the one hand, you suffer from your illness, but on the other, you fulfil your wish. Because it occurs unconsciously, we usually do not notice it until we go deep into our unconscious mind to see it. For example, a woman who hardly ever works out but still gets fat easily, and after taking all of her history and healing sessions, we discover she has a belief that "if she's pretty, she'll attract the guy who just loves her beauty but not her." As a result, her unconscious mind works for her desire even though she is unaware of it. As previously stated, the child has those thoughts on an unconscious and soul level.



Do you have problems that come up again and again, or that you can't seem to solve?


"Make an appointment with us to visit your inner child or unconscious mind to overcome it."


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Reference:


Wilfried Nelles (2009) - Life Integration Process (A New Way of Working with the Representation Method)



Joy Stanborough (2019) - Ages and Stages: How to Monitor Children Development




Mardoche Sidor M.D and Karen Dubin PhD (2020) - The Process of Integration (Raising Consciousness to Cease Suffering)


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