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Life Integration Process

Updated: Apr 1, 2022

Previously, I discussed how our family system affects us or the continuous generation. Is that all? Is it true that all of our problems are the fault of others? Isn't it none of our business? Somewhere, somehow, we were shocked, traumatized, felt neglected, or an unpleasant event happened to us when we were very young, even the youngest of the age of months or weeks, that was when we were in our mother's womb.

We are born in an incredibly vulnerable, incomplete state, with largely undeveloped nervous systems. Those who are loved and cared for understand on a deeper level that we are significant, lovable, and valuable. Parents create physical and emotional environments that promote optimal growth and development as well as a sense of security for their children. This allows us to form a nervous system, download and internalize the necessary neural structures, and influence regulation and self-love. As our nervous system develops, this interactive process continues for the first few years of a child's life.

Insecurely attached parents unintentionally pass on their insecure attachment styles to their children. Even the most responsible and well-intentioned parent, if insecurely attached, will lack the unity required to impart in their children a firm and secure self-structure. Furthermore, when babies and small children are exposed to early trauma or neglect without the support of attuned and protective care, they are unable to integrate all aspects of their experience. Individuals who do not integrate all aspects of their selves will grow up with a shaky sense of self.

Sometimes an adult will act like a child, especially in important and emotionally charged situations. From here, you think to yourself, "Does this happen to me as well?" Sometimes you know you're doing something wrong, but you're not sure how to correct it. This isn't such a big deal if it happened when you were still relatively inexperienced. You are uncomfortable with the realization that you have a behaviour problem, and until a problem arises, you began to blame others—your family, friends, colleagues, company, society, country, and anyone else who could hold you responsible for your happiness and sadness. "I Can't" is the most powerful child statement; as long as you use and believe such statements, you are deeply anchored in your inner-child and in a state of having grown up but not yet.

When a relationship ends, both worlds come crashing down. Most of the time, it is the child within us that feels like it has lost its footing. The majority of relationships are acting as parents (under the emotional level). Our parents once provided us with protection and security, which we anticipate and hope they will continue to supply. When we are frightened, we feel like a child who has lost their sense of security and is afraid that our parents would abandon us and leave us alone in the world. Then we act like children, screaming and freaking out, crying and pleading, demanding and begging, and feeling abandoned and lost. When we don't feel understood by the outside world, we withdraw into our inner imagination and become unconnected to anyone. This behaviour makes our partner uncomfortable, and they may decide to end the relationship.

On the other hand, some people may exhibit the opposite behaviour, such as bearing and grinning like an adult. "I can handle it," "It doesn't matter," or "I am fine" are phrases to use when something unexpected occurs. These symptoms indicate that you are suppressing your inner-child feelings or that you are separate from them and emotionally frozen. However, if you do things this way, you will be able to suffer more disappointment, grief, or sorrow when something similar occurs, even if you are an adult. When we merely face our childish sensation of powerlessness, we mature. So, when it comes to pain and the whole range of emotions that children experience, such as rage, fear, and grief, we should bring them to light, give them room, and allow them to be experienced.

Seeing is freeing, when we see and acknowledged them for what they are or 

(what is in me), only then we have a chance to outgrow them. This is something inside us begin to heal and perhaps transform into a healing process of inner-child that in the end strengthens our inner sense of stability, independence and become more mature.

We must go through it with all of the pain because this is life's richness if we are totally connected with our childlike qualities. Adults may be playful and free, and they should "let themselves go."

We have seven stages of life’s stages; we will share the stage of an unborn child soon.

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Nelles Institute - Life Intergration Process (LIP),of%20therapeutic%20work%20with%20constellations.&text=The%20LIP%20is%20based%20on,is%20and%20as%20it%20was.

Wilfried Nelles - Life Integration Process A New Way of Working with the Representation Method.

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